Jaycee Dugard - A Stolen Life

review on show by Ro Bennett 20/10/11
This is an autobiography which was published in July of this year. It is written by Jaycee Dugard who was abducted from a school bus stop within sight of her home in Tahoe, California on 10 June 1991 when she was only eleven years old. It was the last her family and friends saw of her for over eighteen years.

In the authors’ note, Jaycee writes: This book might be confusing to some. But keep in mind throughout my book that this was a very confusing world I lived in. I think to truly understand what it was like, you would have had to be there, and since I wish that on no one, this book is an attempt to convey the overwhelming confusion I felt during those years and to begin to unravel the damage that was done to me and my family.

Jaycee’s account describes her ordeal, often in graphic and harrowing detail. The first part of the book is particularly distressing to read and I found it a very upsetting and disturbing.

When a car pulled up beside her as she walked to the school bus stop, Jaycee thought the couple had stopped to ask directions. Instead she was stun gunned twice by Phillip Garrido and bundled onto the floorboards in the back of the vehicle and covered with a blanket, held down by Garrido’s wife Nancy. Terrified, groggy and disorientated, she was embarrassed because she had lost control of her bladder.

She was held initially in a tiny partitioned part of a shed, handcuffed, wearing just a towel and left on a pile of blankets. She was petrified, distraught, desperately alone and missing her mother. Eventually the handcuffs were removed and over time her living conditions improved but she was kept captive and controlled by psychological, emotional and mental threats, manipulation and fear. Jaycee was told never to say her name and was called Allissa instead. This had such an impact on her that when she was rescued and asked her real name she couldn’t speak it, instead she asked for a pen and wrote it down.

During her time in captivity, at the age of fourteen and seventeen, Jaycee gave birth to two daughters, both fathered by Garrido. She developed an uneasy relationship with Nancy his wife and they evolved into a sort of bizarre family group. Strangely, as the daughters got older they went out very occasionally as a family and Jaycee went shopping with Nancy, but she found it daunting and scary and avoided eye contact or conversation with anyone.

Garrido was on parole for a previous abduction and rape and despite periodic visits by parole officers, Jaycee was never discovered. Garrido is obviously mentally ill and a drug addict and the worst abuses were committed when he was under the influence of drugs. He was being treated by different therapists, but they appear to be enablers rather than accurately diagnosing and effectively treating his condition.

Nancy the wife is an enigma. Totally under the control of Garrido, she fluctuated between cold, hostile jealousy and an almost maternal generosity towards Jaycee. When the second daughter was born, Jaycee was informed that Nancy would now be known as the girls’ mother and Jaycee would take the role of their sister. Nancy confided to Jaycee that Garrido made her approach other little girls in the park so that he could take inappropriate photos of them.

There isn’t much detailed information about the day to day existence of Jaycee and her daughters, for instance, how she coped as a teenager bringing up two babies under those circumstances. Jaycee learnt how to use a computer to help Garrido with his printing business and to alleviate the excruciating monotony and boredom she suffered in the early years. Garrido became a religious fanatic with some very weird ideas so there was less sexual abuse as the years passed. Over the years she had an assortment of cats which gave her pleasure. And she kept a secret journal. She writes: In the Spring of 1998 I needed an outlet for all the feeling and emotions I was keeping bottled up inside. I knew that Phillip would never approve of me writing things down, but I had this compulsion to get some things down on paper.

Here are a few extracts from Jaycee’s Journal:

Part of me will always be there with her (my mom) there is a part of me that always hurts and feels the pain of losing my family and that part wants to become whole but that cannot happen until I am united with those I lost. I wish I was stronger.

Affirmations:
Only I can make it happen.
I control what I eat.
Everyday I become the person I want to be.
I have the strength to do everything I set my mind to.

My dreams for the future:
See Mom
See pyramids
Ride in a hot air balloon
Learn to drive
Swim with dolphins
Touch a whale
Take a train ride
Learn to sail an old fashioned ship
Write a best seller
Horseback ride on the beach every day.

Lonely, that’s how I feel. Lonely and incomplete. I want to run but have no idea where to run to. I want to yell, but I don’t want to hurt anybody.

There are numerous references to her sadness and loneliness, especially missing her mum. The journal includes lists of her favourite quotes, favourite songs, dreams and aspirations. On May 16th 2007 she wrote:

I’ve been feeling very pressured lately...I have enough work to do just to keep us surviving.

Affirmations to counteract the negative feelings I have inside.
I am a creative, positive, successful and happy person.
I can achieve anything I set my mind on.
I am a strong and capable person.
Today is a glorious day.
I make every day a positive day - and so on.

So we see an intelligent and thoughtful young woman struggling to make the most of dreadful circumstances and we can see why in the introduction to the book she writes of her confusion. The journal is heartbreaking but also uplifting because her strength of character shines through the bleakness of despair.

Jaycee and her daughters were eventually ‘recovered’ as she calls it, on 26th August 2009 after a series of bizarre and rather confusing incidents. The description of her emotional reunion with her mother was of course particularly touching.

The book describes what led up to their rescue and the rehabilitation process she and her family have since undertaken. It also addresses some of the the problems she has faced re-adjusting to a life where she is free to make her own choices and decisions and how frightening as well as wonderful that can be.

Garrido and his wife Nancy have since pleaded guilty to their crimes.

To be honest, I wasn’t particularly keen to read this book, but my son got it for me. He was living in Tahoe when Jaycee was abducted and it obviously had a huge impact, sending shock waves throughout the community. I had already watched a documentary about it and found that harrowing enough. I must say that reading the book was more gruelling in that Jaycee has been very frank and included graphic details which weren’t in the documentary - and reading the horror unfold was shocking. However the book clarified some issues and filled some gaps which the documentary left unanswered such as why she never ran away in the later years when she was no longer locked in and why she disliked her step-father. She comes across as a remarkable young woman and her story demonstrates the resilience of the human spirit.

As Jaycee summarises: Back then it was a struggle to get through a day, but now I can look forward to each day and the next to come. After eighteen years of living with tremendous stress, cruelty, loneliness, repetition and boredom, each new day now brings a new challenge and learning experience to look forward to. With my writings I hope to convey that you can endure tough situations and survive. Not just survive, but be okay, even on the inside too.